An Open Letter to Johnny Depp

Dear Mr. Depp,

Hi! Sorry, big fan! And not just recently either. I'm not just a Pirates bandwagon junkie. I remember back in the day when you were just not quite there in terms of your stardom, fame, movie choices. I remember when your name spurred comments more like, "have I seen anything with him in it?" I remember educating my college friends on the more serious side of roles your played. And apologizing for your role in Tim Burton movie. Because really, Mr. Depp, you could do better.

So the standouts. "Donnie Brasco" of course. I mean, dude, you taught me the nuances of "fuhgeddabowdit"! And then you double crossed Al Pacino! And you lived to tell about it!

Most people I know have seen in part or in whole "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and I certainly can't fault your love of Hunter S Thompson. I can respect the fun you had making that movie even if it never ends up on my list of top five Depp movies.

But I was really a disciple of your when you worked for Robert Rodrieguez in "Once Upon a Time In Mexico". Honestly, you saved that final installment in the Mariachi trilogy. Best scene: as an undercover FBI officer in Mexico going after drug lords you met with potential suspects and witnesses all while wearing a black tshirt with huge white letters FBI. Tell me that was your idea.

Not gonna lie - there was a dry spell for a bit. Part of that dry spell seems to be your indoctrination to the Tim Burton way. Oh to have a time machine and go back to change that era! I suppose I can't knock it all because we got a few good things. Well, one good thing. Your Willy Wonka rivals Gene Wilder, and that's saying a lot.

Then there was the epic, celebrity-fest that was "Pirates". Now, look, Mr. Depp I'm not here to pass judgement on your Pirates movies the way many others have. (If you're unclear though see what many call the Matrix-problem.) Fact is, I'm a big fan of your character, even if occasionally over-done. Love the way he runs, by the way. But here's the thing: I read on the Internet today that you have agreed to do ANOTHER Pirates movie. Another? After the failure that was the last one? And seriously, it was a failure. Check the box office results if you don't read critic reviews.

Though, really, the critics say important things.

So, why? Why would you do it? It can't be money. You live on the French Riviera for Goodness sake! Did Tim Burton stop calling? Is there really nothing better? There's no reason to believe it's somehow the script or story. And costars? Not even Geoffrey Rush is returning for this and he couldn't save the last one. So you must be fixed on this character in a way that is not healthy. If so, have some advice. Now, this isn't going to sound like good advice at first. You have to let it sink in really. Let it resonate. Then go with it. Ready?

Kill Jack Sparrow. You can do it. Only you can do it. Don't let Disney turn him into a cash cow of a zombie. Do it while we all remember the good times.

Yarr indeed.